Perfect!

Today was my bi-annual endocrinologist appointment. The first couple of times I suffered through this, I was excited beforehand. From what I've read online, many endocrinologists are supportive and helpful, suggesting dietary and supplemental alternatives to deal with thyroid disease and listening to their patients over the lab results. Unfortunately, my endocrinologist is not one of them. After two years of this guy, I know the drill. Walk into the full waiting room, where everyone looks like they've been there for hours and are ready to either fall asleep or scream. Sit for one to two hours. Listen to the staff order lunch and yack (they have a new staff member with a particularly loud, shrill voice who will just not shut up. Blending nicely with the geriatric nasty woman and the one with the long hair who does little dances every once in awhile.) Go back to the office. Wait another 20 minutes. Have him come in, feel my neck, tell me everything is perfect! Strain to see the blood test results, because he will never in a million years just tell me what they are (whose blood is it, anyway?) Ask about alternative treatments and things I've read about and have him make faces at me like I am speaking martian. Beg for an increase in the Levoxyl dosage. Have him tell me that whatever my problem is, it's not caused by my thyroid. All for $35!

Oh, and occassionally he'll throw in a truly professional and helpful tidbit, like "you gain weight in your thighs after having babies because of cavemen" or something like that.

Today, I was Not In The Mood. I am kind of pissed in general lately, and I have to admit it was nice to find a worthy target. With a wait of 30 minutes, I may have just gone through and nodded along and left. After two hours, I was boiling.

He comes in. "I got your test results here and everything looks perfect!" he says. He feels my neck and asks if I have any questions.

"I've been taking selenium. I just wanted to make sure that that is OK."
"Why are you taking it? I have no opinion on that. There is no evidence to show that it has an effect."
Damn, I should have printed stuff out! I knew it. I'm always too lazy to do it. How about the European Journal of Endocrinology? NIH? Journal of Nutrition? More NIH? Or a whole bunch of other references? You snothead!

Instead, I just say weakly, "I read that it can help with weight loss and thyroid symptoms."

"Well, you've already lost weight! You lost 15 lbs since your last visit!"
Duh! Can I scream now?
"Yes. I lost that after I started taking selenium."
"You take thyroid hormone, you don't really need anything else."
Sigh.
"The drug doesn't seem to work. I think I mentioned that before."
"Well, your tests are perfect! Your TSH is 3.5!"
"Isn't that kind of high?"
"It's within the normal range."
"Wasn't it lower the last time?"
"It was 3.1 last time. No big deal."
"So it's gone UP while I'm on medication, and thats ok?"
He indicates yes.
"Well, I'm eating less that 1000 calories a day, and walking 2 to 3 miles 4 times a week, if not every day. I think I should have seen more results over 4 months."
"You know, if you don't eat enough, your body thinks it's starving and your metabolism. slows down."
I am wondering what would happen if I just reached over and slapped him. Would I get arrested? Or just asked to leave. Hmmmm.
"I don't understand why you can't just raise the level, just a little."
"Then you might get overactive, and that wouldn't be good."
"Well then, is it ok if I don't come in anymore? I don't really see the point of sitting in your waiting room for two hours for me to tell you I don't feel well, and you to tell me that everything is perfect. Why not just phone in the prescription?"
"I won't prescribe for a patient I don't see."
UGH. On the way out, I drop off my folder and my paperwork at the desk.
"Wait!" cries the shrill receptionist. "You forgot your paperwork!"
Keep walking.
There'd better be another endocrinologist in my HMO around here, because eating crow will really stink, and probably make me gain 5 pounds, too.