I bit into the cheetoh. And screamed. Everyone looks alarmed.
"OH OW OW OW!"
Pain. The pain, it's like a nail going from my mouth right into my brain. A 4 inch diamond point.
"What's the matter?!" Hubby, usually not very sympathetic to such things, looks alarmed.
(Some flashbacks and explanation here. About a month after I started dating eventual Hubby, he came down with a fever. Yeah it was a high fever, but jeez. He was dying, he thinks, lying around and moaning. Parents gathered at his bedside, mother predicting horrendous illness. She's from Finland, if that gives you any idea. A trip to the hospital and everything. This should have been a sign of things to come, but what did I know? Ever since then, every illness - and there have been many, thanks to germ carrying kids - has been pure torture. He is never just not feeling well. It's always very dramatic and descriptive: "I am rapidly declining" "NO ONE else could possibly feel this bad" "I feel wretched." Wretched? After awhile, it gets annoying. I am, I admit, less than sympathetic. This has resulted in many "who is sicker" wars.
Now, come with me to the emergency room of the local hospital, the day after Flag Day, 2005. I am lying on the floor, wrapped around the leg of the chair, because this feels mildly better. Unbelievable pain. He looks bored. "Hey" he asks the admitting nurse. "Do you think you'll get my wife back there soon? She's lying on the floor here." Goes back to playing games on his cell phone. They do xrays and blood tests. Finally the ER doctor says "You must have eaten something that disagreed with you. Or a stomach virus."
"Told you stomach viruses HURT!" says Hubby snidely. He is laughing. Laughing and looking smug. Oh, ok, I answer. Morphine. Morphine is wonderful. I go home. Early the next morning, I am in the operating room to get my busted and gangrenous appendix removed. Take that, evil Hubby! Almost letting your spouse die from appendicitis should be an argument ender that results in said spouse always getting her own way, but somehow the smooth talker still manages to get out of it.
Now go back a little more, July 2004. Four days of labor. FOUR DAYS. Surprise was facing the wrong way. For four days. And they said it was false labor. Ha! Now we're in the hospital finally, because they believe me and things are progressing. But he is still facing the wrong way. With the help of a nurse, I am doing this weird twisty thing to try to get him to turn. And they won't give me the damn epidural. Where is hubby? He is in the hallway, trying to get an orderly to help him because HIS CHAIR WILL NOT RECLINE. Yeah.)
So, you get it. It must have looked like true pain.
"My teeth!" I answer, the pain finally subsiding. "What the HELL?" I forget about the Bookies, who will now be saying what the hell for the next four days.
There goes the damn tax refund. Root canal. Extensive dental work. I have fear and hatred of my teeth, the teeth that should have had braces but didn't because my mom cried in the dentists office and he said forget about braces and that stupid retainer that made my fang tooth all weird.(I still plan to get braces one of these days. Maybe when my kids do?) Now they will betray me yet again, with some sort of massive dental catastrophe just when things were going so well. What else could cause such pain? I try to find it, but can't figure it out. Was it the top or the bottom? I don't see anything, don't hit any crucial spots with the dental probe. The next day, the pain is mild but traveling. Now its on the other side. Gum disease? Gum transplants? I have a bad taste in my mouth, like everything in there is rotting. And a fever. Oh dear.
At the dentists office, they take x-rays. I wait for the dentist. I get an itch in my nose. A big wad of tissues to try to fight this itch in my nose. The dentist comes in.
"Do you have any sinus problems?"
"I don't think so," I answer.
He glances at the big wad of tissues.
"Oh! I do seem to be having a sinus problem right NOW. But normally, no."
He frowns.
"I don't see anything on your x-rays," he says. "Everything looks fine. Sometimes pain like that is from the sinuses." He checks around in there, taps on my teeth. Everything still looks fine.
He shows me my Xray on the TV. How high tech.
"See this?" points to a little line in the gum. "These are your sinuses. They are right near the gum, so sinus pain might feel like gum pain."
OMG! This is worse than I thought. Why are my sinuses in my gum? Did they fall? Will this require surgery? Wait:
"Are they supposed to be like that? Is that normal?"
"What?"
"Are everyone's sinuses there like that?"
"Uh, yeah." He is so ready for this appointment to be over. "You should probably see your primary physician and get it checked out. Probably an infection."
Awesome! A free dental visit. I go home and floss again.
This could be a scam though. Maybe he is waiting for the evil tooth to rot away, so they can do a root canal after all. You never know.
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