Sad

It's always surprising to me how two brothers, only 14 months apart, can be so different. Oldest likes building things and playing computer games and detests crafts and writing. While he can write his name (sort of), he doesn't apply the right amount of pressure or even hold a pencil properly. Surprise, who just turned four, writes his name with backward letters, but his pencil manipulation is perfect. He would be happy to color and draw all day and often does, producing sheets and sheets of art work.

They are vastly different in other areas too, especially socially. Oldest loves to make friends. He is social to the point of being a nuisance at times, often latching onto older kids who don't want to play with him. He'll pick his victim each time we go to the park, and follow the poor child around until he or she either plays with him or yells at him to go away. Most of the time, thankfully, it's the former. While he lost his "best" friend at school, he has several others that he seems to get along with well.

Surprise, however, doesn't have a best friend yet. On the playground, he chases his brother around, without trying to initiate his own friendships. He is often ignored by his brother and whoever he teams up with. They think he's a baby - I guess 14 months is a lot in kidworld. He ends up playing alone, or clinging to me. He used to cry each time he went to preschool, but seems to enjoy it now. He talks about some of his friends, but it's clear that none is a "best" friend like his brother had.

Tonight was "Family Night" at our preschool. It was held at a local park. Oldest immediately teamed up with a couple of friends from his class. Surprise stayed with me, wanting me to play with him.

While pushing him on the swings, a little girl from his class got on a swing nearby. I was hopeful - this is a girl that Surprise talks about all the time. He makes her cards, with lots of stickers. Here is a friend for him to play with, I think.

Not! "Jane!" he calls from his swing. "Jane! I'm over here!" She looks over...and ROLLS HER EYES. At that moment, she looks like a 16 year old girl rejecting the class dork. And my heart sinks. I want to just take him home and cry under the covers with him. It doesn't get better. A little while later, he tries to get another boy's attention, and the boy doesn't even look at him. After we eat, he gets a bag of chips and walks around the park with it. Shortly after, he returns, alone, his face crumbled. I can imagine that he was walking around offering chips to children who just ignored him.

I try to reason the pain away. They are kids, after all. Few of the four year olds are really playing with each other. Most girls at that age find all boys gross. Eventually, the girl talks to him, although they don't go off and play together. Eventually, by the time we're ready to go, he's hanging out with some of the kids from his class. But that first feeling of heartbreak lingers, and I wonder if he goes through this every day. I wonder if they really don't like him, and if so, why? He is truly a sweet little boy. The boy who always wants another hug and kiss, as opposed to his brother, who twists away and says "No kissing, germs!" He makes pictures for people. He gladly shares toys. But he can be kind of tough and mean - probably from having an older brother who is often rough with him. Is that the problem? I don't know...I never get complaints about him being rough with other children, but maybe he is.

I'm not sure what to do about this. Perhaps taking him to a different preschool, where he can start fresh, on his own, without being in his brother's shadow, will help. Perhaps he will learn more social skills as he matures. I hope so.