A view from behind

So often the view of my boys is from behind and slightly above. Today I remembered how I always wanted to take a series of photos from this angle, one at each stage of their growth and development. I never did; I wish I would have. I think I'll finally start it now - they're still pretty small. It would start with the top of their head, hair sticking up, legs in motion, moving, running, racing forward. Eventually the pictures would be images of the backs of very tall boys, always moving forward, moving away.

Kindergarten for Oldest starts in less than three weeks. I'm a little sad about it. Not because I'm afraid of losing him. My mother always said she cried when I went to kindergarten because other people were going to have an influence on me. Yeah. I don't feel that at all. I'll be glad to have him learn from others, people who are trained to teach, like he does now at school. His favorite new phrase is "beige in china" (Bejing, China) and he learned all about it from Miss Kristen, not me.

The sadness is because I just can't get my brain around the fact that he is old enough to go to kindergarten. Everything just flew by, and sometimes I want my baby back, just to enjoy a day of holding a brand new life. Yes, the absence of whining, fighting with his brother, and other disappointing and frustrating misbehavior would be nice, too, but it's more than that. I think maybe I'd just like to recapture some of the time that zoomed away that perhaps I didn't appreciate enough the first time around and find hard to remember now.

Last night when I tucked him in I looked down at his little soft blond head and for a moment he was a baby again. I remember his quiet, intelligent exploring, looking around at the world with wide eyed wonder. The mischievous way he could grab things (like a toy at CVS once that I didn't even notice he'd put in his stroller until I got to the counter) without even looking at them or blinking. The sounds of baby talk and gurgling. I miss it all, but at the same time I'm glad he turned into who he is.