Taking a baf

When we added the second story to our house, the master bathroom was the biggest expense. Hubby loves him some fancy bathroom. I guess it's from working in a hardware store for so long. A shower with multiple jets and contraptions, a big garden tub which has now been taken over by plastic ships, GI Joe in his wetsuit, and piles of other tub toys. I think I used this tub maybe twice since we got it, and that was at least 3 years ago. But, the boys get their baths there every night. It's like a pool to them. So maybe it was worth the gajillion dollars we spent on it.

Before we decided to do the construction, we made what I thought was a deal.

"This is going to be a LOT to clean," I said. "You're going to help...right?" (Hubby is not much of a cleaner. How he survived in his bachelor apartment for so long without dying from some sort of wild bacterial virus, I have no idea. Some people tell me it's my fault for not training him properly. When we had the small apartment, smaller house, no kids, it was no biggie. I actually liked to clean, and never asked for help. The 1972 bathroom still made me want to yank my hair out, but life went on. Now, though, it just seems so overwhelming. )

"Yes!" he promised. "Sure, I'll help clean!"
"Especially this giant bathroom. This giant bathroom is your idea. Bathrooms are hard to keep clean, you know."
"Yes!" he promised. "Cleaning the bathroom will be my job!"
Did he have his fingers crossed behind his back? Because I'm still waiting. Every morning I trudge through minor swishing and wiping down surfaces. Once a week, I trudge through the rest of it, steaming silently. It's hard to get much done, because eventually a kid will show up and interrupt and give me an excuse to walk away. The damn tub gets only a cursory cleaning. Who has time to climb into a giant tub and clean off all the disgusting whatever the heck it is that accumulates around the dozens of jets? (OK, there are only like 10 of them, but still!)

So this morning, infused with a fit of energy (I'm taking selenium and it seems to be working. Just sayin'. I'm not a doctor or anyone qualified to give medical advice.) I decided to finally tackle that tub. I don protective clothing and climb into the tub, which brings immediate cramps in unused muscles. I mentioned before that I'm out of shape, right? Who the hell designed this thing? What's going to happen when we're like 80? How will we take a bath?

Forgot the Lime Away. Sigh. Back out, to get it. Back in. Ouch. Rib slipping out of place, maybe. Squirt, scrub. Damn, forgot gloves. There's no way I'm getting back out again. Agh. That burns. Nasal passages and eyes. Coughing. Should have waited until Spring, when I could open a window.

And, ewwwww. This is worse than I thought. It's like a before show.

Surprise wanders in, still in his footy pajamas.

"Wad you doig Mommy? Why you in da big tub? Ah you taking a baf?"
"No, I'm cleaning the tub. Stay out of here, ok? There are chemicals and stuff in here. Go back downstairs."
"Can you put some ceweal in a bo fo me?"
"You already ate breakfast."
"I still hungwy. I wan dwy cheewios. And I wan da Wego website on yo compuda."
"Tell your daddy to help you, ok?"
"Daddy said "go ax yo mommy!". He's wooking."
Uh huh. "Working" on a Saturday is usually code for playing Spore and/or surfing.

So now I'm getting mad. All I want to do is get finished this damn tub without causing my kid to inhale or burn off his skin with Lime Away, causing another trip to the ER. I'm so mad, I feel myself slip toward breaking one of the big rules, the don't-complain-about-the-other-parent rule.

"Tell daddy he needs to leave the computer for 5 minutes and walk 10 feet into the kitchen to help you. OK? Tell daddy that if he'd rather come up here and squeeze into this tub and scrub it like he promised he'd do 5 years ago then he's welcome to it and I'll trade places and come down and get you the cereal and the Lego website. OK?"

Surprise just stares at me for a minute. Then he runs off, yelling as he runs down the stairs: "Daddy! Mommy won't help me! She's taking a baf!!"